You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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