In the future we'll all be gay
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
now i know why i became what i already was.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
