Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
