I'm gonna have a badass scar
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
