woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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