I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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