we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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