been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
COCAINE IS GR8
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
