my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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