just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
