Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
