i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
