OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
