if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize