Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Randomize
