considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
someone owes me an orgasm
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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