Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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