Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
