It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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