I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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