the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
