i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
