weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
