I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
