we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
