When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have aggressive nipples.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
