I wannas sexs uuuuu
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
