rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
this hospital has no fireball
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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