The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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