All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
