Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
