Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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