On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Even my vagina gasped.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
