For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
