Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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