He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
