last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize