I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
