Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
