Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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