he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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