Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
