he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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