saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
