Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
