I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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