The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
