i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
