I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
