Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
