Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize