kristin has been a bad kristin
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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