its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
