ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize