Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
