before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
