I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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