you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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