either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Those nachos came to me in a dream
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
