Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
