I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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