you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
