I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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