he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
