i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
