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carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He better not be in your backpack
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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