Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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