Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
