DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
